The comma and the exclamation mark are intentional as I am sure that statement will be said, nay barked, at me in the future as my beloved Moo demands I DON’T accompany her out on her first date. I foresee that she may well be nervous of the shotgun I will be wielding. And possibly the t-shirt emblazoned with the statement – “Anything you do to my daughter, I do to you.” Alas, I will just have to wait on the sidelines away from her and her chosen paramour. Say, 6ft away perhaps?
The title should actually read, ‘Stay at home Dad’ as that is what I am and that is what this blog post is about… So as I sit here writing this, with my daughter finally having her afternoon nap, I’m allowing my mind to drift onto thoughts of how wonderfully lucky I am to be doing this day in, day out. Yes it’s true that I have ambitions for myself. As it is also true that I am only too aware of the brevity of life and that time is perpetually “running out”. But that kind of mindset is missing the point. I will never have the chance to share these days with Moo again. These wondrous, innocent, hilarious, frustrating, beautiful days of discovery, play, tears, laughter and mess. Lots of mess.
God I don’t want to sound wanky but I am truly finding out so much about myself during my time with her. So much that I had actually forgotten about as well. Not just thoughts of when I first saw something, or tasted something, or felt something; but of how I used to be more carefree. More loving. More ambitious and much, much less cynical. When did I become such a shit? When did I become someone who forgets to just keep moving forward, not shaken by negativity but inspired by the normal. The kind. The gentle and the angry. The pointless and the delicate?
So, allow me to be wanky for just a moment then. I will inhale every single second of this special time. I will learn from you Moo. I will guide you as best I can. I will sing and play to you often. I will listen to your ideas and opinions. I will tell you that you are beautiful and I will cherish your mind every single second. I will love your Mum forever and protect you both. I will try not to let you down. I will NOT treat parenting as a job. And I will not forget myself again.